I don't know what it is about this week but it has been a mixed bag of really awesome and really crappy events, all in all I feel very drained and unfocused right now. Spending almost my entire Easter Sunday trying to do math definitely did not help the matter at all.
And usually I eat quite a hefty amount. In the past week I don't think I've had more than two meals in a day.
Now, I understand that's plenty of food for a person to survive off of, but considering my usual amounts of consumption this is very low and perhaps not a bad sign of... something?
On top of that I got chewed out by one of my favorite professors today. The thing is I wasn't yelled at or reprimanded or given a stern warning or a bad grade or a bad critique. Instead he expressed his extreme concern about the progress of our game. That's a lot like your father sitting you down on the couch and explaining that he's not upset, he's just deeply disappointed in you. Then he leaves the room and all you can do is hang your head and feel utterly devastated.
It was pretty much like that. He was very concerned about my involvement in Zombie Yoga and if that will take over the Capstone project. I know he's right, I know I have to be careful about how I split and spend my time. But I'm giving all of my projects all that I have, I'm coding almost from sun up to sun down, especially now that my other shoulder is bum and I can't get out any of my code aggression in Judo.
I've been getting the small things wrong, bad variable names, bad values, not checking value ranges or forgetting basic features of IDE's and engines.
In my math class I'm flying through the examples the teacher gives with ease, but the homework has been thrashing my behind by being long and complicated.
Zombie Yoga had me smashing my head against the wall until just today where just barely in time for a playtest I got the new code in the game. Only to have it not work for our lead designer/professor, Doris. It worked for everyone else, but I couldn't even give Doris the ability to play her own game.
I had a small bug in the combo system that I've been developing for our Capstone Project that by all means should not have existed.
But I got Zombie Yoga working, I fixed the bug and within an hour or hour and half I had gotten the combo system visualized nicely and even added in features to the system in just 15 minutes. I just wish I could be intelligent and responsive all the time, instead of only every once in a while, and that I could put in enough quality work for Zombie Yoga and Capstone to co-exist peacefully on my plate of ever diminishing time.
In general, I feel like absolute garbage, and for even more reasons than just being sometimes-bad at what I love to do and then for disappointing one of my favorite professors, but that's all I'm going to get into here.
Bah Humbug.
-Kev
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